Callie & Mama Target Session // Personal Post
Well we are a little over a week from my due date with Baby Abby and I can HARDLY WAIT to finally meet my littlest bundle. I feel like I've been pregnant forever. It's only been since April but since I literally hit all the seasons it's felt really long :D
You wouldn't know it from these images, but this pregnancy has been hard for me. I pretty much experienced every pregnancy symptom you read about online. I am still on nauseousness medication and I've already got another prescription packed in my hospital bag. I gained a lot of weight. And then I guess you add in the fact that I have another child to take care of that makes second time pregnancies harder.
But I always try to look at different seasons of my life from an eternal perspective. Why do certain things happen to us? When I think back to Callie's pregnancy we had a lot of hard things going on in that season. I blogged about that here if you want to read. So really she was the light for us during that time and if I had had a hard pregnancy, labor, or newborn season, I probably would have just shut down. She was a symbol of God's grace during that time. And continues to be now.
2017 was pretty uneventful for us for the most part. Cam left the corporate world in August which was one of the best decisions we've made to date! He was able to be home with Callie and I for 4 months working on our business and enjoying some much needed family time. We got some insight on our future with ministry and are excited for that to unfold when the time is right. He just recently started working a carpentry job that he loves! I had a great wedding season last year too. Business was awesome. So in essence.. God tried to use my pregnancy with Abby to challenge and stretch me. It was my thorn for 2017.
But I didn't struggle well this past year. I didn't lean into him and see what he wanted to do. I complained a lot. Tried to comfort myself a lot. And basically just survived instead of thrived.
If I'm being honest.. my relationship with God was sort of numb since we left our home church. We were so passionate about the work we were doing there and it was hard to not be on fire for God with the community and friendships we had. I still know it was the right decision to leave and can see what we learned from our time there. But since we've struggled to feel " at home" at a church again, it's been solely on me to create that depth with God.
Finally this past fall I did a book study with a group of girls and joined another neighborhood study that poured some fuel on my faith. And in the last month God has been drawing me back to His presence and His heart. I am finally feeling excited to spend time with Him and grow my heart again. I am finding peace in His presence. I'm just plain feeling His presence again.. what a gift. Funny enough.. these last 2 weeks of my pregnancy have been better than it was a month ago (*face palm*). His ways are always better.
So I hope I can encourage you today. If others find themselves in that "meh" season in their walk with God, it's okay! Don't feel guilty. Don't force it. Based on how Jesus dealt with the pharisees in the bible I would like to think He would want us to enjoy the time we spend with Him and the work we do for Him rather than doing it for the sake of doing it. Not doing it because we know "we should do it". He wants our pure hearts.. hearts that genuinely want Him and His life for us.
I love this verse.. "My sheep listen to my voice; I know them, and they follow me. I give them eternal life, and they shall never perish; no one will snatch them out of my hand. My Father, who has given them to me, is greater than all; no one can snatch them out of my Father’s hand. I and the Father are one.” (John 10:27-30)
He won't ever let us go to far. He just is gracious enough to let us take our time and do it on our own terms. He is a good father.
I don't know what lies ahead for my labor with Abby and her first couple months of her life. But I feel so much more peace going into this new season with a rekindled love and devotion to my Father. I am ready to struggle well if that's what He's got in mind. Callie continues to remind me of how much God loves me. Of course she has her moments because, well.. she is 2 and she is human, but she is so calm, sweet, thoughtful, and gracious. Everything this mama needed for this second pregnancy! I can't wait to see how amazing she is going to be with her little sister. If you think of us.. send a prayer or two for our transition! It will be hard for us to be away from each other when I am at the hospital and of course transitioning to me splitting time between two love bugs.
This session we did with Amanda Summers Photography was so much fun! It was one of the few highlights of this pregnancy for sure! Since Callie and I are at Target at least once, if not twice, or three times a week, it was a fun way to document how we spend some quality time together. Thank you Amanda for this gift! And also.. shout out to Vick's.. you're the real MVP for my strange pregnancy craving this time around. Hey Abigail June.. any time you want to come play and join this crazy family would be great! We are MORE than ready to meet you. I mean I organized the pantry for pete's sake. It's time babe.
Let's do this 2018!